Worst Exam Ever

Seriously, exam has just finished today but I have a feeling this time round would be my worst exam ever. Frankly, I do not have sufficient time to prepare. Unlike last time which I had abundant of time to study during the year-end break and Chinese New Year hols here and there. And this time essays come in which I definetly am bad in. I know I need to pull up my socks but no matter how diligent I get, sometimes my brain does not have enough vacant space for all the information!

Mathematics occupies part of it, gossips and personal stuffs. There are indeed so many things need to be stored in the brain! History and Biology those memory-tasking subjects are really collapsing my brain's neurones. I guess they have all overworked! Gosh! WTF! I know I am not a versatile student who is multi-task in so many field! I can tell you frankly I am damn interested only in:

* Mathematics

* Additional Mathematics

* General Science

* Accounting

* Koperasi

* MONEY

I had apathy towards the rest =) thats why I do not focus much and do not excel. You have to vindicate off the blame from me. I guess I was borned to be infatuated with the 6 items above. What can I do about that? Rebel against God's arrangement and try something ridiculous? Nyeh. I AIN'T AETIS! XD. *lame excuse*

Perhaps I'll just wish to blabber out all my unease and irksome feeling that faltered me throughout these 2 weeks. I had nightmares, broken sleep, insufficient rest and lots more. Tomorrow I can't sleep well too, 11pm gonna arrive in Perth! What the! How can I sleep then? Gosh. Guess that's just a sudden adjustment to my life.

Fine, back to packing.. XD Just a HAPPY HOLIDAYS to everyone of you out there! XD

::LEON HA::

it's being a year...

Time advances that now it's almost a year grandma left me. Uncle Thong phoned now inquring when is the date according to the Lunar Calender Ah Ma left us. At that instant, the sadness which I made every great painful effort to bury it has suddenly popped out so naturally and I sighed at how relentlessness time elapsed and for almost a year, I had not shouted out loudly Ah Ma. That day in Grandpa's house, I was having lunch in the kitchen when I suddenly reminisced grandma's cooking, her porridge, her dishes and everything she cooked for the entire family! I damn miss her porridge, her fares and everything! My tears were merely falling. Sigh. I guess time passes but I still preferred I got stucked in the time when I spent together with Ah Ma.

Since the departure of hers, I kept on dreaming her. For the first few months, I was so looking forward to everytime I dreamt about her. It is sort of like a psychological comfort for me. At least in my dreams I can spent my time with Ah Ma although it is temporary and virtual. I woke up the very next day with streaming tears. I know I miss her! I miss her a lot! Yet nothing could buy her back to the Earth! I only plead that scientists could come up with a time machine. I wish to travel back to time to meet Ah Ma. Or God, I beg you, please return me my Ah Ma! I know we need her a lot. She's the greatest, not for then and now but she has influenced us for so long.

At an empty aisle,
as i stroll along,
i miss grandma,
i could feel her, i could hear her.
But i just wanna see her
and talk to her non-stop
before finishing off with
I LOVE YOU!
Thanks for everything!

~sigh~

::LEON HA::

A Battle Within

I know I am clenching on so many things that sometimes I ought to let go. The moment I let go, I need to battle against the dilemma within. I cannot afford to be left behind as each second of life elapses and having insouciance in life is so as equatic as the statement before. I know I want them all but I really have to battle agains the ailing dilemma. The battle within falters me sometime and somehow.

I know the problem originates from me, my attitude and my style and everything about me. However, as people say, environment shapes a man. No doubt that most of my characters are shaped by my surrounding.

I am constantly battling within whenever I see something that will incur me into something I hate dealing with. In fact in life, I need to battle against minute stuffs (I know how minute they are) but still I constantly wish to be a radiant guy. Relentlessness may be the resolution, but what can I do? Consult a psychologist? Nuts! To me, it's a folly act!

I know I want my things abound and the price is that to battle against the troublesome dilemma. To me, radiant is walking away after winning the battle insolently. Think about it, won't it sometimes be a higher price than I would need to pay?

Such as the trade of a true friendship? The exchange for family ties? The lost of forever insouciance and tranquility for the soul and physical? Or even nil towards at the end of the day?

Again, it's a battle within I must WIN. That's the attitude. Winning is everything. That's why. Sigh.

::LEON HA::