Depressed

Picture 1

Picture 2

Do the 2 pictures above seem familiar to you? Yea. It's absolutely familiar to me. Since 2009, it's just 18 days only for the new year and I usually put on this expression on my face. Hill-high school work, extra co-curricular activities and daily problems oppress me too much!

I feel like bellowing them, "Stop grieving me like hell! I am gonna gone mad if this sustain for a longer time!"

Why does life fill with all kinds of setbacks and stress?

[Question of the day]

Sigh~I just don't wish to sustain the depressed mood for anymore longer.

So as the irksome expression on my face, I don't wish to haul it anymore longer.

::LEON HA::

遗失了，真的得不回 I Lost It, And It'll Never Come Back

这一次，我真的感到遗失了一件宝物，真的，你懊悔、你号啕大哭、你笑着、你怎么做都好，一旦遗失了它，怎么也得不回。

This time, I really felt that I lost a treasure. Frankly, no matter how regret I felt now, how loud I bawled, how positive I am or whatever action I tried to take, once it's gone, it'll never come back.

我还认为今年我往年的历史老师，Mdm. Pauline 还会教我，但是天公不作美，偏偏把她调走了。我真的感到了遗失的痛苦！好好的一个历史老师，怎么那笨蛋校方竟然把她给编排去别班教呢？真的是无理取闹！我讨厌！我简直恨校方恨得入骨！

I was still thinking Mdm. Pauline, my previous History teacher would continue to take my class but who knows that DAMN ASS HOLE school placed her into other class! SHIT this MAMA HOLY KHS! *my first time insulting KHS so badly but I don't even care*. The HELL BULLSHIT whoever is in charge of allocating the subject teachers, do you know how hurt it is for every action you had taken?! How dare you switch such a good history teacher to other class! Yea I know you have the power. But so what? An old C class = The model is totally oudated lah. I did not see that your purse/wallet is a Louis Vuitton one? Watch? Gosh! My pencil box is worth more than yours! Partial of it worth more than RM 200 ok? YOU ARE JUST WHAT THE F*CK!!!

我错过了，去年她教我的时间，我常旷课、上课不专心，老爱聊天说地、不然就去会周公。我真的很懊悔和懊恼！我亲自送走一件宝物，我把它丢失了，遗失了，犹如大海捞针，再怎么捞也捞不回。我很后悔，但是能怎么办？

I really let something so treasurable gone, gone into the wind like dust. I knew I was so stupid to play traunt, not paying attention, chatting all the way or sleeping which made me feel extremely guilty and regret. I knew I lost it with intention indirectly. I lost it and I could never found it anymore as once it's gone, it'll never return. Sigh.

遗失了，真的得不回了。

I lost it, and it'll never come back...

现在我想要这位老师每天指点我，一周看到她三堂简直是很荒谬。我真的是。把东西给弄丢了。。。

Now I really have to hallucinate this teacher to reprimand me everyday. Seeing her reprimanding everyday in class is a total mirage. Unless the new teacher can camouflage like her, 100% just alike. But that will only occur when I am dreaming away, off into a wonderland. I am really speechless for letting something go... Sigh.

遗失了，真的得不回了。

I lost it, and it'll never come back...

我不断地在叹气，时间却能倒退回中四让我再度享受那些美好时刻吗？还是倒退到校方在编排课程表当儿，提醒他们那位特别的历史老师，是要教5S1的？! 我对校方失去了信心，彻底的失去了。我父母亲每年缴付人工税，也不是你们工资的一部分吗？尽管你说我叛逆、我被宠坏，我也不管，因为这是本少爷的部落格，我爱说什么，就由我高谈阔论！如果你觉得逆耳，那你马上给我消失到无影无踪！

I knew I am continually sighing, on and off but will time travel back to the time when I was in Secondary Four when my teacher can still reprimand me? Ok. I am not so greedy. Why not just revert back to the time when the school admin is rearranging the timetable, I could snap them out of their hallucination and remind that the special teacher - IS ONLY MEANT TO TEACH 5S1'S HISTORY!!! I am truly disappointed with KHS's admin's part. Hell Ya! My parents pay part of you guys' salary. I don't care if I am bossy. Yea I am spoilt so what? This is my blog = my opinion. F*ck away if you loathe listening to this XD.

::LEON HA::

Of all the 26 Alphabets

Yes! I am back from holiday but something disastrous occurs! My dad realised that the camera charger just vanished. My mum kept on pushing the blames on me as she claimed that I was the one holding the camera throughout the whole vacation. Yea! I was holding the camera throughout the whole trip but the camera is now back at the drawer - SAFE and SOUND! The chargers then? I left them inside the cargo and they were all sleeping inside it for the entire trip cause I did not take any snap shot! Simple explanation! But yet they were trying to push all the blames on me! Duh! Vindicate off all the blames kay?

And just now I read a few blogs and of all the 26 alphabets we have, most of them are always using 3 spacious one... and they are...

S

P

M

Sheesh! SPM! Yaya! I know! SPM is around the corner and it's gonna be my greatest and last challenge in my secondary school life! I know this public examination determines a lot of stuff namely scholarship, college entership, future jobs etc. I am kinda sick of it and simultaneously I am freakishly nervous about it. I am confident in only few subjects like Malay, English, MATH, ADD MATH (my two fav subjects XD), Chinese and Moral. The remaining Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Science and History I am totally speechless when I encounter them.

Yea I know. Few more days left and it's a whole new year for me to kick start off. I need to finish my assignment (few literature questions left) and pack for a whole new year. Well I guess... I am prepared. I do hope so. God bless me please! SPM means a lot to me and with God's unfailing blesses and I also need to dump in extra and extremely effort to pull up my socks in those particular subjects which I am weak in. I know I have apathy towards them. But please.. I beg my ownself, just for the sack of SPM.. learn them well and pass it! After SPM, trash or file them up, it's up to me =)

So far my wish for 2009 are:

- Straight A or even better Straight A1s in SPM

- Health and wealth

- Slim down by 10 kg! XD *in my dreams*

nah. I will post up my 2009 plans pretty soon.. so stay tune XD

::LEON HA::

Some Come Some Go

Announcing the Arrival of...

KEREN WEE QIAO JIA
(06-07 KHS Cooperative Secretary)
(07 Excellent Student Receipient)
(08 INTEC scholarship holder)

is back from her hell-shitty-place called Kuala Lumpur!

She finally made it safely back here at Kuching on 15 November 2008! XD

and also

EVELYN HA MEI KEI
(06-07 KHS Financial Club Treasurer)
(06-07 KHS Prefect)
(08 Canning College graduate)

is too back from her disastrous and appalling venue named Perth!

She is back safe and sound to taste all exuberant food in Kuching on 17 November 2008! XD

GREAT NEWS!!!
*both my sis are back here in kuching* whee

However, on the contrasting side, someone is compelled to leave us, for a better life and a brighter future in New Zealand. She will board the aircraft tomorrow at 9.15 am. I am gonna miss this good friend, who is so spacious and who is she/he? Let me uncover the veil of the mystery then...


That's her. Millions of words aren't as useful and as effective as phrases below:

I LOVE YOU
GOD BLESS YOU
FRIENDS FOREVER
TAKE CARE
MAY GOD'S CARE AND LOVE SHOWER YOU AND FAMILY FOR ETERNITY

simple, just a few words it signifies all the necessary things. XD

::LEON HA::

It's again Something Hazardous

If you do know me well, you will know that how deeply and majorly my loathe development towards these familiar terms like "exercises", "physical exercises" and "sports" and other words associated with those activities that causes you to have perspiration all over your head. Get the picture now? XD. I don't think I need to continue with my introduction anymore.

So just now my dad requested me to aid him to record the what so ever Wrestling show. *it's a sports. duh.* I reluctantly but I did not scatter my mind not to help him doing that. It's being months that we did not record the show as our pirated Astro went nuts so we did not watch it and I do not even bother to use the DVD recorder for months. Just now when I tried to hit a few buttons, I pressed the wrong button and I reformatted and it means erasing all the datum stored inside the HDD.

Gosh! I heard a pearcing scream after that.

Ya. You got it, after getting report cards on last weekend, "compliments" were non stop from my parents especially mother. Yea. Million of "thanks" to Mr. Eng for informing them, transparently, that I always missed his Physics classes. I already felt so humiliated being spanned in front of the teachers and the loud "compliments" was the longest I ever experienced.

So you know who yelled right? =).

She reasoned that the Olympic's opening and closing ceremony were being erased and not had no choice but resolute to borrow from Uncle Thong to burn his copy! What the choc! Olympic was like 3 months ago and don't you tell me you had not watch it?

Yea yea.. I know.. agitated working parents spare less time on TV and more on their working stuffs. Blah. Yea. I am mature enough to think rationally like that but all these 3 months, I did observed you sparing your leisure hours laughing away or chilling out with Korean dramas and you actually totally scatter your mind about the Olympic games already!!!

Put it in this way, if it were me now, not watching something I have recorded for not 3 months, 3 weeks, I am hauled to detention already and what more to say 3 months! Yea. I knew the disappointment but you still had tonnes of backups, Youtube, burning copies from Uncle Thong, search around Googles and definitely you will find lots of fruitful search. I grumbled silently only if I were in your shoes. I did not even dare to yell. Fine fine.. HOPELESS!!! Sometime I really feel like this family... I dare not continue. *you finish it anyway you wish to*

Hence, once again, thanks to those terms like "sports" and etc. It's because of you! You caused addiction in other humans' soul and mind. You stole their life physcologically and you troubled them mentally and in this situation you are trying to break the family bond and in my case YOU ARE DETERIORATING MY DREAM FAMILY!!! Everywhere you blabber to others how beneficial you are but look at your downside, you show no mercy! You are good??!! HELL MAN!!! BULLSHIT! I pay not even minute respect to you!!!

WHY???!!!

I have even more reasons... SPORTS IS HAZARDOUS!!! STAY AWAY FROM IT!!!!

::LEON HA::

Emotional Conflicts

After being told that we were having dinner at a nearby cafe, which the first matter flip through my mind is that, "Why that place? Nothing there that is my cup of tea. Nothing favourites me." Suddenly, I made no objections and neither do I rebel. I just nodded and followed.

Upon arrival, the rest of them ordered chicken rice etc. I was the exceptional one. I wondered around and finally I was strucked by the "wheel of misfortune". I ordered a RM 2.80 Kampua mee which is expensive, little and does not even taste scrumptious. Yet I did not rebel much but just reside to a corner and keep quiet.

I knew something was wrong. Very major and very wrong. How could an extrovert like me would not blabber non-stop if I come across something not fabulous at all. I knew it. Something was majorly incorrect and I was really encoutering an emotional conflict.

On the way back, my dad asked me if I want to visit my Malay neighbour. Coldly, I replied, "No. It's so late. People invited us to go in the morning."

Knowing that I am disappointed and down, my mum added, "Just now around 4-5 I still saw people rolling in."

Cool as cucumber, the answer from my lips went, "What time is it now? It's merely 8. No. I do not want to go. Just go back home and study. Further more, you guys pin pointed that due to the restricted culture, so we must not go visiting."

The whole atmosphere went silent and so solemn that it remained like dead wood until I reached home. I shutted the car's door quietly and walked in. I strolled slowly up, turned on the lappy and browsed around aimlessly until my mum asked me to prepare myself some supper.

I did not rebel neither do I make any response except a cool "ok..". I only obey the instructions. After cleaning and cooking, I began my so-called feast. I was thinking, what happened to me? Seriously, I am suffering from emotional conflict. I felt neither happy nor sad nor down. I just wish to be quiet and be a temporary introvert. You can't blame me for being an introvert tonight. Citing a saying, "There's always an introvert side of an extrovert."

Played Ashley Tisdale's song, watched my favourite cartoons and dramas and also flipping through reference books including Mathematics, I felt nothing excite me. Ohya. I sent short messages to Tan Yee but I did not expect a reply. Cause I knew if both of us start talking, there's no end. So I switched my cell phone off.

Next, I'll off my laptop. Seriously, this is kinda dragging out my mental and emotional soul. It murders if it is prolong. Well, guess I will tug myself in bed after 9.30 pm tonight.

Probably too many things had occurred today. Talk no much.

I dropped of my 'XD' icon and so as ommiting my 'haih' words from this post.

I removed all my emotions now. Rescue me!

::LEON HA::

Raya = Study?

I was soo glad that Hari Raya finally trespassed by. Whee~ It seemed like ages since the last Raya departed and the incoming one creep in as slow as a snail. Well. This year, I am so hoping that the Raya will creep slower than its usual pace. Why? The whole week of Raya break is simply equivalent to study week. Doh. Exam begins straight after the Raya break and mind I remind you, I don't know why the damn silly school purposely made us all turn up at school on Monday and released us from Tuesday till Sunday? Point - nil.

Gosh. I can't imagine that. Yesterday, I was hitting the thick Success Biology reference book for the enitre morning. Afternoon, my apathy towards Additional Maths finally occured. Argh! But my tuition teacher made me promised her that I will study extra diligent for the topics I missed. Great, more tuitions after exam. Haih. Night time headed for Physics tuition, as usual. Sigh. Good thing dad and mum brought themselves and me to Foot Master for Foot Massage! Whee =). That's soo nice of them. Thanks a bunch XD

Today the Muslims are celebrating Raya. Dad and Mum do not permit visiting as they reason that Grandma just passed away and "white stuffs" shouldn't crash with "red events". Got it? If you are a Chinese, you'll understand it. Great, it tarnishes my good opportunity to taste the rendangs, masak merah, curries and lots more. Yea. And for this cultural restriction, I got bailed into my own "prison". I've being like an ass revising the entire afternoon. In the morning, I fooled around with Photoshop and suddenly the electric cut off, thanks to my dad, doing something with those electric stuff *how many times do I need to repeat myself?!! these electric stuffs are all so duhhsss!!!*

Afternoon, I was straight away bailed into the prison. According to my schedule, I was supposed to complete revising History by today. Nope! It was to no avail. Why? My parents were mopping the entire house, cleaning these and those, vacumming here and there. Picture those sounds!!! It really stinks and are extremely irksome. How can you study history under those pathetic conditions?!!! Tell me!! And not to say Biology. Sheesh. Yea. The perfect afternoon was destroyed. Gosh =). I took up Science and for goodness sake, I did exercises in the reference book from Chapter 1 - 4 and there the apathy towards it goes again. XD. I threw it aside and taking up the thick reference book to read Chapter 7. Lights. Yea. Physics related again. Bored much!

*now you finally understand why I loathe science subjects so much?! they need memorising even though they are called 'science'. Ahem. Whoever invented science must be in hell right now for torturing the grey cells of the younger generations nowaways XD*

It was 5 when finally the Streamyx got back to business. Yea. And here am I. Browsing around the net and hitting freshies updates to my blog's tummies XD.

This Raya breaks plan - STUDY! *yeap. your only schedule besides eat, sleep and tuition*. Sympathise me lah.. Haha.

P/s: One thing I discovered today. Time elapsed too fast. It's exactly one year from last year PMR's first day. Wow. Time really flees through us without acknowledging us. Yea. One more year left us and SPM will be soon. Lala. That's what all parents will say or rather reprimand. Sigh.

Yeayea. I know, you all dont have to remind me anymore, I am heading back to my prison.

"Thanks a lot" for reminding me of the hell place.

I do not feel cheerful at all for these hols. Anyway, it's predicted =)

::LEON HA::

i. cried. silently

I am so torn down now. I felt so emo and i regretted switching the channel to NTV 7 and saw a sad yet touching movie. The scene was three sons and their dad missing their departed and beloved mother. It reminisce of how much I miss my grandma and how long I had seperated from my grandma!

I demand to see my grandma now! Santa! Grant me this wish. I wanna be with my grandma forever in this world. Grandma, I miss you, too much until the number is approaching infinitive. Don't leave me bawling silently cause it really hurts. Grandma! You don't want to see me in this pathetic condition, do you?

I love and miss you - forever. Sigh.

I broke down,

I cried and bawled,

And I moved on,

So you wanna join me? =)

Cry out the unsatisfied,

Bawl out the pain,

Sob away the hurt,

And dance away with joy XD

::LEON HA::

How Dare You?

I just returned from a relative dinner. It was in collaboration to celebrate their mum's birthday. I was so e-m-o just now when I saw them taking the MASSIVE, happy family photo. It suddenly made my grey cells to trace back those moments I had with my long departed grandma. Suddenly, I got so e-m-o as I am DAMN missing my grandma. Frankly, why did she depart so early? Sigh. It was just totally impossible but Jacq told me that's all God's arrangement and we had to accept it. Well, I hope my grandma's is now living happily in heaven. I read a mail before, it related that, death is the beginning of real life with God. Suddenly, I prayed hard that this statement is true! XD.

Well, cutting back to our main topic. Why my post's title sounded like bellowing straight into someone's ear pinnas? Yes, in fact I am. I learned from my uncle that his son aka my cousin is constantly ignoring his ill grandma aka my maternal side's grandma too. My grandma keeps on yelling at him, pleeding him to come down to take his dinner but he just ignored her persuade. What the F*cking Grandson you are?! You know you should cherish your grandma while she is still alive. You know how bad and disastrous and sombre it is when your dearest relatives vanish from this planet forever? You should acknowledge that you have lost your grandpa even before you were born and hence you should cherish and treasure your grandma even more!

I am not trying to sound like cursing anyone but frankly, once a person departs and leaves us, there is no way you will see him/her again. Yes, you can see them, in 2-Dimensional, in snap shots but they will no longer speak, laugh, share with us anymore! If you think there is still ample of time, how wrong you are! Citing HSM's Everyday's Lyrics "Once in a lifetime, means there's no second chance." Therefore, read the sentence over and over again and understand it! Our dearest and including all of us, we have only one life, we should live it up to the fullest.

While we can and as far as possible we should extend our interaction, bonding session and sharing thoughts session with our dearest family members, relatives and friends. Frankly, if you do not cherish the opportunity you own now, once the chance bids us goodbye it will never turn back.

Let me bellow through your ear pinnas again, "HOW DARE YOU NEGLECT YOUR DEAREST GRANDMA!!! YOU ARE SHOWING NIL RESPECT TO YOUR LOVE ONE! IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD HAVE DONE THINGS THE OPPOSITE WAY!!"

E-M-O much. XD

::LEON HA::

ANGER

Sigh. I really feel so random and aimless writing today post. Well, start with my results, again. My parents keep on grumbling and complaining about my nosediving results and indirectly spoke to me sarcastically about all the tonnes of SHIT activities that I have participated, obviously. Sigh. In fact, I feel like bellowing straight into their ear pinnas "HEH THERE! DO YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE SACRIFICED 99% OF MY RED CRESCENT ACTIVITIES ALREADY? THE REMAINING 1% SHOULD NOT BE A BIG PROBLEM RIGHT?!"

I am also feeling like jerking "YOU KNOW HOW SAD AND MISERABLE IT IS WHEN MY FRIENDS IN SCHOOL ARE ALL TALKING BOUT PROBLEMS & SWEET MEMORIES AROUSED IN THEIR CHINESE CLUB, PREFECTORIAL BOARD AND LALA...".

I will also end up screaming like hell to you too "IS IT OVER THE WALL FOR ME TO JOIN 2 EXTRA INACTIVE CLUBS?!".

"WHAT'S WRONG TAKING UP MATHEMATICS WHEN I ENTERED UNIVERSITY LATER?!"

"WHAT THE HELL! YOU CRITICISE MY MATHEMATICS IS A NIGHTMARE! WHY NOT YOU OBTAINED PERFECT SCORES DURING SECONDARY SCHOOL?"

Do you know how hurt it is for a teenager to accept critics, especially those who criticise you on your good points? DUH! Don't you know adolescence is the perfect time for us to find our true self? Damn! I can tell you what!

I know what I desire! I know what I like!

AND DON'T COMPEL ME TO DO SOMETHING I DISTASTE!

PLUS! I AM MYSELF! WHO CARES WHOSOEVER WANNA BE DOCTORS, LAWYERS AND BLAH BLAH BLAH! TELL YOU WHAT, I JUST DON'T BELIEVE I AM MAKING THE WRONG DECISION!

The inferno is still burning. Don't you dare to touch me!

::LEON HA::